What Is Your Love Language?

Cover of "The 5 Love Languages: The Secre...

Cover via Amazon

What is YOUR love language? Or did you even know there was such a thing? I didn’t until my bible study group talked about it one day. Then ironically that same week, my daughter had taken a quiz at school over what her love language is. When a topic comes up multiple times within a short amount of time, I sit up and listen because it is obviously something God is wanting me to pay attention to.

I downloaded the book The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman to learn more about them. The 5 languages are affirmative words, physical touch, acts of service, receiving of gifts, and quality time.

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Our 1st picture together.
July 1988

I quickly discovered my love language is affirmative words. I like to hear praise for a job well done, I like to hear my husband tell me I’m pretty or that I look good in an outfit…basically if you compliment me, I am a happy girl. But I was surprised to find out I also respond to physical touch. Normally I am not a touchy feely person. But physical touch can be something as simple as a pat on the back, peck on the cheek or holding hands. I do like to hold hands! It’s been awhile since my husband and I held hands. When we were dating we constantly held hands. In the car, while walking in public, sitting on the couch together. But after we got married holding hands fell by the wayside and I don’t really know why.

There is a free quiz at 5lovelanguages.com that you can take to discover your love language. But don’t stop there! If you are looking to improve communication in your marriage, both of you should take the quiz, so you can both know how to communicate with each other better. I had my husband take the quiz last night and was surprised with his results! I was dead certain his main love language would be quality time. He wants do everything together. Since he works odd hours, he values his time with me…which is very sweet! So after taking the quiz myself, I figured his love language would be quality time, not physical touch. Some would say “duh, he’s a man, of course he likes physical touch!” But it’s not all about intimacy. Like I mentioned above, it’s more about holding hands, a hug when your spouse walks in the door, a  shoulder rub. My husband was missing the same thing I was…holding hands!

So how will I improve my communication with my husband when using words isn’t even part of his love language? Easy. Use less words! I tend to chatter too much. It’s a woman thing. We use 7000 words a day when our men can get by with only 2000. From now on when I want my husband’s attention I will reach for his hand, place my hand on his shoulder or something like that. When I just want to let him know I will miss him before I leave, I’ll give him a hug and a kiss goodbye. Less words, more physical expression of love.

And for me, my husband has agreed to talk to me in more affirmative words and maybe every once in awhile you’ll see us holding hands in public!

I’m excited that we have discovered something new about each other, even after 16 years of marriage and am anxious to see how much this improves our communication with each other!

Finding out our love languages was just step one of this new journey I am on. Tomorrow I’m going to share with you what I am doing on my own to be an even better wife than I was last year! So til next time, kids…

sjb

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4 thoughts on “What Is Your Love Language?

  1. Love this, Sarah! I took the quiz years ago, before we had O. I think I need to take it again, because I feel like a lot has changed in my world, and I’m wondering if even my results are a little different. I sure know my values are! Thanks for sharing this!

    • I bet it DOES change over time! And when O gets older, have him take it too! We learned that K.’s is also physical touch. Knowing how to reach out to your child in a way that is meaningful to them will be huge when it comes to big discussions! We need to have A. take the quiz too!

  2. Love this! Read the book years ago and thought it was genius. Took the quiz today and I’m words of affirmation tied with quality time. Told Matt about this awhile ago and he thinks he is physical touch—will have him take the quiz soon!

    • Yay! It is common sense really, but common sense that I haven’t been using! Ha, ha!! If you both take the quiz, it really holds you both accountable for how you speak to each other! 😉

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