Love Dare: Day 3; Love Is Not Selfish

Hi ya, kids! Do ya know what I call ya kids? It’s a Kennedy thing. I have always loved the Kennedy’s. It’s been almost an obsession of mine since I was 9 years old. Ethel Kennedy always called her friends “kids”. Even though Ethel is my least favorite Kennedy, I always liked that nickname for her friends. So there ya have it. Starting your Friday with a little sjb trivia. 🙂

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Onto the LOOOVVVE Dare. So far it is going really well! Yesterdays dare was to do an unexpected act of kindness. I explained to you that this would be hard because I try to do random acts of kindness for MKB all the time. I guess it’s how I show love. Wonder if there’s a book on that? He needs to talk to me with words of affirmation and I now know I am supposed to communicate with him through physical touch, but how did I “talk” love before I learned that?? I know I don’t “talk” words of affirmation, I just want them said to me (hee, hee)…I’m betting it was acts of service. But I digress…sorry, this is how my brain works most of the time.

After a bit of thinking yesterday, I came up with nothing new. I decided I would just let life happen and if something came up that MKB didn’t want to do, I’d do it for him, no matter if I wanted to or not.  After he came home from basketball practice, he sat down to supper. Just as he was about to take his first bite, our oldest called him and asked if he’d come to town (we live a mile outside of town) and give her and her friends a ride to the varsity basketball game because her friends parents had already left for the game. He said “yes” and hung up the phone, looking worn out. Immediately I said I’d go in and get them. He gave me a priceless look. He was shocked and grateful all at once. I was beaming on the inside, but kept it all cool and put together on the outside. I grabbed the keys and left without giving him time to get up and go himself.

When I got home he was watching the Fiesta Bowl. I sat and watched it with him for awhile, even though I could’ve cared less. His 2nd love language is quality time. 😉 I’m catching on quick, aren’t I?! When I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I told him I was heading to bed. He said he’d be turning in soon. But what he did instead was amazing! I had forgotten to clean up the kitchen after I got back home. So what does MKB do? He cleaned it up for me!! Yes, he did have to make sure I knew he did it, but dang, kids…HE DID IT!! How nice was that? This love dare thing is pretty cool!! He is participating and doesn’t even know it!! ::snicker::

Love Dare #3

Love Is Not Selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.

Romans 12:10.

We live in a very selfish, self serving world. I could complain about this for hours. It disturbs me to no end the way some people act. But I need to watch what I say because I can be quite selfish myself at times!! Especially in my thinking.

“When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that’s a sign of selfishness.”  Ya. I’m a complainer. MKB is needy! Ha, ha…not in the sense where I have to do everything for him. It’s more like, he does so much around our place that he needs help with, and I am always the designated “helper”. We’ve put in new lawns, gutted an entire house, cut wood, load wood, split wood (I hate wood), painted, carpeted…on and on and on the list goes. MKB cannot sit still. If he doesn’t have some sort of project going, he is unhappy. But I am not like that. If I have some free time, I am more then happy to curl up with my Kindle or watch some tv. I can veg like a pro. MKB needs lessons! But this is where I need to control my thoughts. I start grumbling under my breath that he doesn’t help ME all the time, why should I always have to drop everything to help him? Or I’ll start thinking of my friends and think to myself “I bet Sheila doesn’t have to go out in sub zero temperatures and load wood.” (I don’t have a friend named Sheila, so don’t be thinking I just outed Sheila for being lazy!) These thoughts are poison. If I let myself travel down that self pity road, I build up resentment towards MKB and that eventually leads to a fight. What I need to remember is he does all these projects to make our house beautiful, keep our house warm, etc. Why shouldn’t I help? It’s my house too!

This chapter talks about putting the needs and desires of your spouse before your own. Pretty old school, huh?  “You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes’ to what they need.” Hmmm. It goes on to say if you have a problem with this, you may have a bigger problem with selfishness then you may have thought. I guess so!

We are supposed to ask ourselves 4 questions:

  1. Do I truly want what’s best for my husband? Yes. Yes I do.
  2. Do I want them to feel loved by me? Of course!
  3. Do they believe I have their best interests in mind? I really don’t know. Probably not.
  4. Do they see me as looking out for myself first? Sadly, yes, at times.

“determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.” I can see that. When I do put MKB’s needs or wants in front of mine, I feel wonderful.

My marriage is my most important investment and if I’m not putting my time, energy and money into it, it will flounder. Time to step up my investments!

Todays dare is to buy something that says “I was thinking of you today.” I already have an idea of what I can buy for my husband. I once bought him flowers because who doesn’t like flowers? Apparently MKB doesn’t, so I won’t be doing that again. My only problem is time to go and make my purchase. But this is important. MKB is important, so I need to make the time!

Til next time, kids!

sjb

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