Love Dare, Day 8; Love is not Jealous

I would like to start this post off with another success story the Love Dare has brought about!

Last night’s supper time was rushed, like it always is during club basketball season. MKB saw me take a short cut in my preparation & said he’d just eat a sandwich because my short cut wasn’t going to work (implying I had ruined supper). This is a fight we have all the time. Supper time is a hot button issue here. Either the family doesn’t like what I prepare or I get negative comments about what I’m making before anyone has even tried it, ie: last night! But what was different about last night was when MKB said he was going to make a sandwich, my reply was “by all means, make a sandwich.” I didn’t say it rudely & I honestly didn’t care if he ate a sandwich or what I prepared. It was the first time I had ever not taken immediate offense & I didn’t even feel like getting all upset. I just let it go. No fight took place. He went about his business, I finished supper. When it was time to eat, he did eat what I had made & he liked it. I even got a compliment on it. Earth. Shaking.

I am loving this Love Dare & last night was proof to me that it is really helping me to change all the characteristics about myself I do not like, which in turn MKB is obviously noticing & is acting a lot softer (for lack of a better word) & sweeter to me. 

Engagement Picture          1995

Engagement Picture
1995

Love Dare, Day #6

Love is not Jealous

Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire.

Song of Solomon 8:6

When I read the title to this chapter I was excited because jealousy is probably my biggest issue. I have come a long way in dealing with it, but I know I still have a long way to go. So I was hoping to read some more sound advice about dealing with jealousy in this chapter, but I didn’t find it. 😦

The chapter talks about 2 types of jealousy. Legitimate jealousy, based upon love, & illegitimate jealousy, based upon envy. 

Legitimate jealousy is described as what one would feel if their spouse had cheated on them. You have a legitimate right to feel jealous in that situation. 

Illegitimate jealousy is when you are envious of something someone else has. Dr. Chapman gives examples such as your co-worker getting a promotion & you being jealous of them. Or when you are jealous because your friend is more popular than you. Things like that. 

“Jealousy can be very painful depending upon how selfish (there’s that word again!) you are.”  
“If you aren’t careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships.”  This sentence is true for me. If I don’t get control of my envy, it does start to eat at me, consume me, & it makes me irritable to everyone, not just the person I am jealous of. But this was the only bit of inspiration I took from this chapter because it took a turn that I wasn’t expecting.

Dr. Chapman says we aren’t usually jealous of strangers. We are more apt to be jealous of people we know. Most noted, the people in our own home. What? 

“When you got married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his fan club.” (Yes, I was & I am!) “But if selfishness rules, any good thing that is happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.” 

This doesn’t describe MKB & me at all. If MKB were to become King of the World, I’d be thrilled for him. I have always wanted him to succeed BIG in life. I’ve never once thought of being jealous of him when he does. I am always so proud of him. When he coaches his team of 8th grade girls, I am filled to the brim with pride. When they win I am overflowing, all because I am so proud of the job he did. He gets a lot of attention when the team does well & rightly so. Being jealous of that just doesn’t even register with me.

Last year I wrote 2 short stories & in my wildest dreams, I pictured myself becoming a best selling author & my books being made into a movie for the Hallmark Channel. (a girl can dream!) In my dreams I did wonder if MKB would be jealous if all that were to happen. I quickly concluded that he wouldn’t! He’d be so happy & proud of me. I know he would. 

I guess this chapter has at least given me peace of mind that we as a couple do not have jealousy issues to work through. Obviously it is an issue for some, otherwise it wouldn’t be part of the book. I know how I feel when I am jealous of others, so if I felt that way towards MKB, that would be devastating to our marriage. Thank God it isn’t an issue for us!!

Today’s Dare:

Determine to be your spouse’s biggest fan & reject any thoughts of jealousy. Done.

Take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he recently enjoyed. 

WHAT? I made that negative list up yesterday just to burn it today? Not happy. That list had some good stuff on it! Remember my filing cabinet was full of good material! Oh, that’s right. I went in that room & covered it all in love, which essentially means I had to let it all go. We are a clean slate. Nothing saved up for a future fight. No more remembering & dwelling on past hurts. This is day 1 of a new married life together. How refreshing this feels!! Almost like we are newlyweds!! 🙂

June 14th, 1996

June 14th, 1996

Til next time, kids…

sjb

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