Remember that song Afternoon Delight? 🙂 Whenever I hear the word “delight” that song runs through my head. Makes me snicker because when I was little I just liked the tune. When I got older & understood the words…well, like I said, it makes me snicker. Listen to a little Afternoon Delight while you read. 😉 Or stop & watch the video! It’s groovy!
First of all, I apologize for not having a post yesterday. Life ran away from me. I usually write these posts in the evenings & schedule them to publish the next morning, but I just didn’t find the time the other night to write.
This chapter was well worth waiting for though! I loved it! You will see me quoting a lot from this chapter because I can’t write it in a better way. Not saying my writing is better, being a best selling author & all (insert eye roll here)…I’m saying I have no other take on it. 😉
“In a marriage relationship, you won’t always feel like loving. It is unrealistic for your heart to constantly thrill at the thought of spending every moment with your spouse.” I know this to be true because MKB & I do spend a lot of time together. In our 16 years of marriage, we have only spent 2 nights away from each other. And we were both so miserable those 2 nights, that we will probably never spend more than that away again. But! To be honest there have been times when I’ve just wanted a little break. A little “me time” to regroup & regain my appreciation for MKB. I was happy to read that this feeling is normal! I don’t have to feel guilty anymore about needing an afternoon to myself. It’s ok! Now if I can just get MKB to see it that way. 😉 His 2nd love language is quality time & if I say I am going out for the afternoon, he gets offended. Guess we’ll need to work on this. There’s always something, isn’t there?
The chapter goes back to the discussion of choosing to love over feeling obligated to love. “Love that chooses to love is just as powerful as love that feels like loving. In many ways it’s a truer love because it has its eyes wide open.”
We’ve talked about this before. Loving your spouse is a choice, not an obligation or a fleeting feeling. And with this choice, you also pick your attitude. “Left to ourselves, we’ll always lean toward being disapproving of one another.” I’m guilty of this. For awhile I was only choosing to see all MKB’s faults. I didn’t want to focus on his good attributes because that would improve my attitude towards him & I didn’t “feel” like being happy with him. How awful of me. And dare I say…selfish. I also loved myself a good pity party. Focusing on all he was doing wrong made it easier for me to feel sorry for myself. So glad I’m growing up & getting away from that attitude!
If you were like me, it’s time to lead your heart to “once again delight in your spouse. Take her hand and seek her companionship. Desire his conversation. Remember why you fell in love with her personality. Accept this person-quirks and all-welcome him or her back into your heart.” The book says if you do this, your heart actually starts enjoying who your spouse is again.
“For some, the move toward delight may only be a small step away. For others, it may require a giant leap from ongoing disgust.” Sorry, that made me laugh…ongoing disgust. “Disgust” is pretty harsh. I don’t think I was ever that far gone with MKB, so my movement was a small step, or maybe more of a short jaunt is more accurate, but making it a choice to delight & love your spouse is seriously all it takes. It really is that simple. “If you’ve been delighted before-which you were when you got married-you can be delighted again.”
Love Dare 14
Love Takes Delight
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
On Saturday night, we have our date to the movie theater. MKB came up with this on his own & out of the blue, so he is doing this challenge without even knowing it. Over the weekend I will put aside something I think needs to get done & spend quality time with him instead. Give & take my friends. That is what it’s all about. This has truly been an exciting journey so far! I hope if you are doing the challenges you are seeing positive changes in your marriage too!
Til next time, kids…have a great weekend! Sorry you will be singing “Afternoon Delight” all day now! Or having flashbacks of that that guy with the glasses. He’s kinda creepy, isn’t he? Yikes!
All quotes are taken from The Love Dare, by Dr. Gary Chapman, which can be found on Amazon.com & all major book stores.